So it's super late here in Bolivar, but I'm still pretty awake from a dance party I just had with my girls! I haven't written in awhile...mostly because I'm busy, but also because God is doing some crazy things in my life again. He just started speaking to me a few days ago. This is really hard for me to even talk about this time. Basically, I am thinking that even though I love it here at SBU and everything, I am not sure that this is where God has called me to be after all. Ugh, I feel so bad because I hate it when I worry and think about stuff a lot.
So I was sitting in Old Testament history a few days ago, when all of a sudden I felt this overwhelming feeling that I can't exactly describe that immediately had me thinking about my major and what's to come of my future. I know that God has given me a passion for other cultures and I still have every intention of doing mission work in my future...and as a nurse, too. But I have felt since that morning that I may not need to necesarily major in missions (the intercultural studies major) and nursing. First of all, God has already called us to be missionaries....we should feel led to do so once we have been taken in by His grace and love...so I do not really need to major in missions because really ICS is just a fancy title for becomming a missionary. Nursing is already a mission field anyway! Secondly, I do not know if I would like how this program is set up (3 semesters in Bolivar, then 2 yrs of nursing classes in Springfield, then 2 semesters back in Bolivar, then a semester abroad). Lastly, I don't like how the regular bachelor's nursing works either. It would take me 5 years too! Ugh! Anyway, this really got me concerned about how things would work out. For some reason, I kept thinking about my original first choice school, Union University, and how much I thought I wanted to go there to do nursing or intercultural studies too! I pulled up their site and long story short, they have a 4 year BSN that I think looks very appealing and if I would want to do MSN for nurse practitioner; they have a 15 month program that seems promising! This whole time, I'm just thinking "Why is this happening now, God? Why not before I chose to come to SBU?" Anyway, So after getting really upset and frustrated with myself and even God a little-I talked to my parents, roommate, and couple other friends about it.
So now I am a little stuck in this situation. I am working things out, weighing out good and bad things, and really praying about this. I don't want to leave SBU because I love it, but if God wants me to go to Union, I will go. I cannot fight Him...I've already tried...you lose everytime. I have been humbled a lot since Thursday morning, but am still scared/nervous/anxious. I'm desperately awaiting to hear more from God on this one!
I have faith that everything will be okay. I believe that God sent me to SBU as part of His plan and do not regret coming here, even if it ends up only being for a year. I have had a wonderful experience. I will write more about this soon, but I should probably get some sleep now.