So it's super late here in Bolivar, but I'm still pretty awake from a dance party I just had with my girls! I haven't written in awhile...mostly because I'm busy, but also because God is doing some crazy things in my life again. He just started speaking to me a few days ago. This is really hard for me to even talk about this time. Basically, I am thinking that even though I love it here at SBU and everything, I am not sure that this is where God has called me to be after all. Ugh, I feel so bad because I hate it when I worry and think about stuff a lot.
So I was sitting in Old Testament history a few days ago, when all of a sudden I felt this overwhelming feeling that I can't exactly describe that immediately had me thinking about my major and what's to come of my future. I know that God has given me a passion for other cultures and I still have every intention of doing mission work in my future...and as a nurse, too. But I have felt since that morning that I may not need to necesarily major in missions (the intercultural studies major) and nursing. First of all, God has already called us to be missionaries....we should feel led to do so once we have been taken in by His grace and love...so I do not really need to major in missions because really ICS is just a fancy title for becomming a missionary. Nursing is already a mission field anyway! Secondly, I do not know if I would like how this program is set up (3 semesters in Bolivar, then 2 yrs of nursing classes in Springfield, then 2 semesters back in Bolivar, then a semester abroad). Lastly, I don't like how the regular bachelor's nursing works either. It would take me 5 years too! Ugh! Anyway, this really got me concerned about how things would work out. For some reason, I kept thinking about my original first choice school, Union University, and how much I thought I wanted to go there to do nursing or intercultural studies too! I pulled up their site and long story short, they have a 4 year BSN that I think looks very appealing and if I would want to do MSN for nurse practitioner; they have a 15 month program that seems promising! This whole time, I'm just thinking "Why is this happening now, God? Why not before I chose to come to SBU?" Anyway, So after getting really upset and frustrated with myself and even God a little-I talked to my parents, roommate, and couple other friends about it.
So now I am a little stuck in this situation. I am working things out, weighing out good and bad things, and really praying about this. I don't want to leave SBU because I love it, but if God wants me to go to Union, I will go. I cannot fight Him...I've already tried...you lose everytime. I have been humbled a lot since Thursday morning, but am still scared/nervous/anxious. I'm desperately awaiting to hear more from God on this one!
I have faith that everything will be okay. I believe that God sent me to SBU as part of His plan and do not regret coming here, even if it ends up only being for a year. I have had a wonderful experience. I will write more about this soon, but I should probably get some sleep now.
2 comments:
As one of your closest prayer warriors each day..I have no doubt that God will lead you in the right place at the right time. He was doing it while you were still in your mother's womb (Ps.139). I have shared with you through the years...of God's presence in your life before you even came into this world.
As you shared me the possiblities of a transfer. I began thinking and prayering and God began to show me his perfect timing as we sought His wisdom through the years. I was reminded back in the summer of '94.. your mom and I contemplated to still enroll you for kindergarden. We opted to just keep you out of school one more year, your birthdate missed the required deadline by 30 days but they would have probably still allowed us if we push to have you enrolled. Your brother was just born that July so we thought it would be nice to have you home to be by him that first year as a newborn. We will never know but God knew all along..it would bring you closer to your brother today and it would spare you from being at Union University when that big tornado wiped out 70 percent of the housing on campus last year. It was a true miracle that no one was killed in that tornado..they will be talking about that for many years to come. Your mom and I were spared having to wonder if you made it alive or not..you weren't injured you weren't killed. We are thankful we did not enroll you early and that you chose to be at SBU last year. Which by the way this is the first anniversary of that tornado in Union U (Feb.6th)as you had struggled with this the last few days..see http://www.bpnews.net/bpnews.asp?id=29804&ref=BPNews-RSSFeed0204
It can only be by God's Grace when we look back..we can only thank him and continue to believe that he will continue to guide you to the path you need to be. He will delay or accelerate according to His will. I have no doubt..God knows what is best for you. Worrying and not knowing was never part of God's plan. All you need to do is listen and obey. Everything will fall in place..God is preparing you for something greater. just keep trusting and believing.
Your prayer warrior, friend..and most of all...- Your Dad..love ya.
Katlyn, I will keep praying for you, and if God does decide to take you to Union, I hope we can still be good friends. I will miss you a lot. And if not, then I will look forward to at least one semester with you next year. You've been such a blessing in my life, but like you said, we can't fight God. He always wins. But like your dad said, we weren't meant to worry. God will take care of everything. Love you so much.
Jana
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