Ah, Spring Break

I am finally on Spring Break! It is so great to be back in the comfort of my house with my family. The past two weeks have been very rough on me emotionally so I'm definitely relieved to be here and away from there. I love my school and the people there, but sometimes getting away is pretty good medicine. As for me being emotionally overwhelmed, let's just say I've been making sure to put much more focus on God since He is the only one that knows my path and can make everything okay. This work of really giving everything to Christ lately has really been good for me. Even in the midst of a really awful week of school and thinking my whole future was about to be torn apart, I really felt God's embracing love - I felt safe in His arms. So basically, what happened to me is that I found out that getting into the nursing school is going to be a lot harder for me than I hoped. After praying about it, and taking all options under consideration closely, I feel that the best thing for me to do is stay at Union another month this summer to retake a class to raise my grade. I do not like that I have put myself into this situation at all, but I'm taking this one day at a time and letting God stay in control. My previous post has really been a good reminder on what is important to focus on.

I guess the burden of all the stressful elements of my life was still laying heavy on me this week too. I was a little on edge too much and I don't like it when I get like that, because it's not me. All things considered though, I could have it a lot worse off so I am still thankful for everything I am going through because it is just another learning step on the way to adulthood.

In my devotion this morning, it was called "Honoring Others" and out of 2 Samuel 9 with the story of David and Mephibosheth. I had not read this story in awhile and know it was a God thing that it came up this morning. The story is about honoring others even if it would seem they do not deserve it or really do not relate to you in any way. Mephibosheth was Saul's servant....Sual was David's greatest enemy, but David took him in anyway and allowed him to eat at the table everyday with his sons. This is a great example of showing God's love to others. God has given me a love for people. All people. I find myself relating to so many different types of people and I just really want to show them love, especially the lost and broken ones. Last night, I watched the movie The Blind Side for the first time and it blew me away. That woman Leanne took in that boy when she did not know anything about him and gave him a life that he probably would have never gotten to had it not been for her and God's grace through her. It is so terrible to think children go through parents that abuse, neglect, do drugs, etc. around them. These are things children should never have to endure. I witnessed this in Bolivia with the children I worked with, too. It breaks my heart to see the reality of this. I know seeing all this is why God has given me a desire to do mission work someday. I long for that day that I can be helping others and show them God's love that they have probably been neglected from...whether that is overseas or here, I know I will go.

I pray that God will continue to increase this fire I have for His children. I pray that God will help keep me in line and that I will remain focused on Him. There is nothing else more worthy of doing than praising Him in anything and everything I do.

Focus

The more I have been trying to accomplish things in my life on my own, the more I have found that I am likely to go nowhere. Not like I didn't know this already, but for some reason this keeps coming back to me. If I choose to try to be a person that does not worship and honor God with my actions, then why do I bother at all? Growing up always being taught the ways of right and wrong with the Bible as a foundation should really be the basis for living. Though I truly believe this and have faith that I should do right and be in the word constantly, lately I have just been a really good faker. Now this is not something I am proud of by any means, but admitting this is the first step to going somewhere better right? My last post about my bad day has really been a great reminder to myself that I need to stop faking it because Christ knows when I am and He really cannot help me unless I stay fully devoted to Him and the Word. I find lately that following my devotional really does improve my day and outlook on life for my day brighter. There is a reason pastors and mentors tell us to be in the Bible everyday...to stay focused on Him instead of everything else. Again, to stop focusing on the 'waves' and instead on the One who walks on them is a great reminder for me. All the waves that have been crashing into me lately have really been wearing me out. School is probably the biggest wave right now. It is indeed very difficult for me to stay positive when the workload at school keeps piling up and continues to get more and more challenging. With weeks like this one, I feel like I'm drowning in the waves, but really I need to just keep trying to hold my head above the water and grasp onto Christ in the midst of it. 

²² Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. ²³And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came he was there alone, ²⁴but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. ²⁵And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. ²⁶But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" and they cried out in fear. ²⁷But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying,  evening came, he was there alone, "Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid."

 ²⁸And Peter answered him, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." ²⁹He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. ³⁰But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me." ³¹Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" ³²And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. ³³And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God." (Matthew 14:22-33)

 I have faith that keeping strong and in the word will allow me to get through this storm I am in. I need to stop doubting that I can get through this because I know I can and I will. If for some reason the way I want my life to turn out starts going in a different direction, I will have to trust and accept that it is part of God's plan for me to go that way instead.